Monday, September 18, 2017

I haven't written anything for a while in this blog. I guess, my life is boring, and there's nothing to share during those times. I've done same things every day.

Since it's been a while, now, I decided to write something. 

First, about my condition. I think, having this new trial treatment I have this moment - it helps my body somehow. I used to have blood transfusions, two to four-week intervals, but now, I could manage 'till six to eight-week intervals. I can stand a bit longer than before - my legs started to handle my weight and need not find any chair to support me. But of course, I would prefer to have a chair. My sugar level is at normal count. I now drink soft drinks and eat sweets. My creatinine level is also at normal count. I can eat burgers, fries, everything I want to. There is no special diet I am into at this moment.

I feel perfectly fine, but of course, I'm still transfusion dependent. I guess this is my life. Been like this for 9 years and counting, and I haven't felt this freedom, relief in my entire battle than today.


As I can recall, the last time, the most serious circumstance was when my gums came out almost ahead of my teeth - that every time I brush it bleeds. Aside from this one, there were bone particles came out of my mouth. Lastly, I had halitosis. 

Every morning, as I woke up, I felt heavy. I don't feel like getting up and prepare myself for the day. I'm always lonely.

After taking this trial treatment  - since my case or condition has a trial and error treatment -  I felt different. I am always happy, that's one thing. I woke up every morning having a smile on my face; looking forward to this day. I still easily get tired, but I can handle myself well now. I am losing weight slowly and feel a bit lighter.


One of my problems, though, is transfusion because the nurses are having a hard time finding the veins to connect my IV. There are times, it took them a couple of hits, and it was really painful. I also heard, from one of the nurses, to get a port - searched about this and found out its called "implanted venous access port". Apparently, I don't want to have something like this one. My reason is, I'm trying to lessen my transfusion - hoping that one day, I won't even need this transfusion. Also, I think, having that port will just make me feel a bit uncomfortable.


What I hated about this condition is not having a stable job to earn money. I'm trying freelancing, but with no luck to a really high compensated job. I don't have the skills, and still need to learn, which I am trying to do now.


About freelancing, I guess, I really have to improve. I need to study hard. I'm still clueless of what skills to improve and to focus on. I just hope I have someone who could train me with bookkeeping, transcriptions, etc. I know there are online tutorials, but with no luck of where to find the right one. Most of the tutorials need payment for their services and I have nothing. I'm just relying on video tutorials that sometimes not enough for the skills I want to improve. The verdict, still unimproved.


I'm also losing hope as I always received a failure notice for every test I tried. I told myself, I'm not really good with anything. I can't even write well. I don't know anything about punctuation, grammar, or anything about English writing. But still, I am here, trying to write in English; trying to create my blog again. (But need not worry, as I'm asking help with Grammarly).


Another thing that bothers me, is being afraid, scared of interviews. I don't know, I guess I'm just more confident in writing than speaking. You can ask help of  Grammarly for your writing, but as we speak, there are times we are misinterpreted with what we say. So, I am a bit scared.


But, I know, I shouldn't go to the flow of being scared. I should prepare myself. I should not let myself be scared of everything. Being tough, brave, and confidence is what we need. I should start memorizing this as my body needs to digest these words.


Right now, I still hope that one day, I'll find a job and earn well for a living. May the Lord help me with this. With the Lord's guidance, I know He will lead me to the right path.

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I haven't written anything for a while in this blog. I guess, my life is boring, and there's nothing to share during those times. I...