Being at home is so boring. Nothing much to do. Though the doctor told me to do something around even just wiping the table or something, still i feel so bored. I wanna go out but so hassle for me and my dad. I'm too heavy and I know he's having hard time pushing and pulling me on my wheelchair. I just wish I have time to go out. Another problem would be we don't have money to spend for just going out even for malls. Trips or transportation expenses would be expensive since I can't ride a jeep. I just wish to ride a jeepney but I really can't. I really wanna go to SM and just wander around. To see other people just walking around you. Just eat in fast foods. Just take pictures, groupie, selfie. Hayst I really wanna go out apparently I really can't. Have to stay at home. 

Well actually will be out soon since I have to go to dentist for my extraction of my impacted wisdom tooth. I will go out just to visit the dentist and then that's it. Will have to rest afterwards since I should be careful so that it won't bleed much. They're worried that I might get much bleeding but I'm positive that it wouldn't bleed much. I just hope this surgery will go well. That I wouldn't feel pain. That the dentist will take care of me well. That the dentist that my dad will talk to today will be my dentist forever and that they will accept me even if i'm a special case. That I will never feel pain. I just wish things will work well. After going to the dentist I have to rest for couple of days another boring days... LIfe.. This is my life now. Hayst boring life... Just staying at home... I just wish one day we'll have money for us to go out and just enjoy life...

Seeing these people in Tacloban makes me think that I'm still lucky even if I'm sick. These people had nothing after that tragic even in Yolanda and now they're still surviving and fighting. Then I guess I should fight as well this battle of mine. We have our own battles in our lives, mine is having this disease. Pope is right we have Mother Mary brother Jesus we have them helping and guiding us so I shouldn't lose hope in this fight of mine. I should stay positive keep on fighting even if I feel much pain nowadays. I should stay strong for me and my family. I should keep on fighting. I will try my best to keep on fighting this disease cause I know God is here for me. He is helping me in any way possible, so I should do my part in any way possible. I shouldn't lose hope even if I have so many pains now I should stay calm I should stay standing. I can win this battle like those who had AA as well. I will fight I will fight... 

What I learned in following Pope's visit is that I should never lose hope that I should increase my faith to the Lord. That no one can help me but God and the power of prayers. I learned that I should stay positive.  That whatever happens God is always here. Teary eyed while watching His mass at Tacloban. Seeing these people touched my heart. I should be as strong as them. I salute them for being so strong. I should be strong  I can win this fight... 

I used to complain about my pains seeing these people make me think I'm so stupid. They're much in pain but never complained but me,, just for some pain i asked why do i have to feel this and keep on complaining. I think starting now, I shouldn't complain much and just embrace the fact that this is my condition now. This is my gift not a curse. God has given this to me for a purpose. I just wish I know that purpose is. Anyways I should still be thankful because I'm still alive...  

Seeing Pope's smile makes my day. Really makes my day. I feel like seeing God in him and that gave me hope in surviving and fighting my disease. I am so thankful that He visits the Philippines. Even if I just see him on tv still gives me hope in surviving and fighting.

Today is my Lolo's birthday. As I can recall when we were kids he used to feed us bread with his favorite cheese Ques O and coffee. Every morning me and my cousin wake up having these on the table. :) .. We were so lucky to have him as our lolo. I love him so so much and I really missed him. Though I don't want to see him haha as I'm afraid but it's ok if he'll show up in my dreams or just let me smell his perfume like what he used to do when he died. I missed those times I slept with him. I used to stay with him everytime my parents need to go some place. I so missed my lolo. It's been years since he was gone but I can still remember how he was when we were together. He maybe not the perfect lolo but for me he was the best :) . I so love him and every breath I have right now in this extension of my life are all dedicated to him. I know that he's here guiding me helping me to recover in this sickness and I know that he never fails asking the Lord to extend my life for my family. He knows how much my parents love me even if I'm such a hard headed person... 

Since its your birthday Lolo, Let me greet you the happiest birthday ever. May you always stay happy and contented and may you always guide me in this journey of mine. I know that you are happy now that you are with the Lord and with Lola just pls guide us me my family and your whole family remaining here in this world. We all need you lolo, your guidance. We all love you and I know one day we'll meet again but not too soon :) haha As I'm not ready yet. Thanks for everything lolo happy happy birthday... 

I've been in medication since 2008 and because of that my teeth are so affected now. I have swollen gums and it is so painful. Right now, I'm having problems with my mouth, so painful. I even cried because of the pain. I'm taking medicine for the pain now. The medicine is for 5 days it's an antibiotic and afterwards if the swelling if not yet over I can continue taking the medicine for another set of 5 days. The swelling is because of taking too much medicine for a long time I guess. Having this disease is so hard. Been shouting to people surrounding me because of the pain. They even don't know what to do to me, for me. I even don't want to eat as it's too painful and so hard to swallow food. Its really so hard. As of now I kinda feeling fine but still under antibiotic for the swelling I do hope this pain will  end soon. I'm so heartbroken due to these pains I'm feeling. I just hope I'll be well... 

Long break / vacation is over and tomorrow everybody is back to reality, back to normal and so do I. Will definitely stay at home, hehe nothing changed. That's my life. I think I gained weight again from those foods I took during Christmas till New Year. Been eating a lot hehe.. Actually I really don't know why is it so nice to eat, it gives somewhat happiness haha. I love eating apparently I shouldn't cause I have a diabetes. Being sick is so hard. There are times I feel so frustrated but then I know that's part of it. All of a sudden you just feel down about yourself. Tomorrow is the start of work again for many and as for me, nothing changed, I'll just stay home, surf the net, watch tv, sleep. That's my life hehe since I had this condition. Anyways I have no complains about it. I already accepted that fact. I just wish I have electric wheelchair so that I can go out even alone. But then, it is so expensive so I guess it'll just part of my dream of having. Hay that's life I guess. We're just poor and can't afford even my medicine. My mom's salary is for our food and other expenses only. Anyways, I guess I'll just keep on dreaming maybe one day I'll have an electric wheelchair  that someone will donate it to us hehe. Well I just hope so. Another thing is that honestly I wanna go and visit St Pio Shrine in Sto Tomas Batangas apparently we don't have a car to use. I can't commute as I hardly walk and using wheelchair hmmm. One day we'll go there. Can't afford to rent a van quite expensive for us. Hmm I know one day me and my family we'll go there. I just hope as soon as possible. Also I wanna go back again to Our Lady of Manaoag :) .. Really a great place. Hmm how I wish. ..